I cannot stand that it's out of my control...
If I want something (within reason) I get it. I work harder or I save money or I reach out to the people who can help me. I make plans, I rearrange my schedule, I give up something to gain something else. I'm not inflexible. I can wait or sacrifice or think outside the box. (as long as I've just had coffee) But now I'm realizing that there is absolutely no way to control this. Yeah yeah I know, nothing is in our control, just let things happen and everything will fall into place and it will all be the way it's supposed to be....blah blah blah...I tried that this winter...I lay on the couch watching The Bachelor with chocolate and wine and nothing happened to make "everything fall into place the way it's supposed to be" My pants got tighter. The Bachelor ended. Thank God baseball started.
Get this....after deleting every email that came in from the Plenty of Whackos dating website I'm on, I spent a good part of last weekend organizing my sock drawer. Yep that's right...my sock drawer. I paired them off and sorted them by color and type. I threw out panty hose with rips and holes that I "saved" to wear with long skirts. wtf? My sister gave me this great tip...pair off your socks and pin them together...leave the pin on when you wear them, then pin them again when you take them off to wash them and you won't won't lose them!!! So brilliant!!!
I actually looked forward to doing this. It was #1 on my list of things to do for the weekend. I put on music and sorted and pinned and tossed...so creepy right? When I was done I felt so proud of myself for finishing and doing such a beautiful job. It was so gratifying to open the drawer and see all that neatness and orderliness...just how I like things to be. Like a serial killer who lines up all the mementos from his victims. :-)
No, I really don't think I have control issues.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
BK Boy
I had a few conversations with BK Boy on the phone and he seemed ok. He lived nearby and loved kids. Two big checks in his favor. It's really hard to get a true sense of someone until you do the face to face, so I agreed to one. A friend who was in the same post divorce dating boat gave me excellent advice early on. Always meet in a public place and make it a drink for the first meeting..nothing worse than being stuck eating a whole meal with someone you know you're not interested in. Lots of people have offered to call or text me while on on these meet and greets in case I need to be saved. Never been a big fan of that. It seems so icky and a little cowardly. Honesty is always the best approach, right? Ha! Ok so we set it up to meet at the food court of the local mall near a coffee place. I'm walking through, scanning the people wandering around...and then I spot him...He's wearing those big baggy shorts that sit way low on his hips and the hem reaches just above his ankle, a t-shirt, and a huge chain dangling down to his stomach with a cross banging around at the end of it. He lied about his age cuz he looked like he was about 12. Awesome...a freak whose got a Mommy thing... I pretended I didn't recognize him and kept walking...Maybe he wouldn't recognize me! I'll just keep going and walk around the outside of the mall to get back to my car! "Hey" he called out, "it's you! (still not Lisa) Wow you look real nice...real hot"
I think to myself.... go to plan B... Just sit for a minute and get the hell out.
"Hey you want to get dinner?" BK Boy says, "I ain't eaten all day" Coffee! I scream in my head...we agreed to meet for coffee!
"Oh no, I really can't" I stammer, "I uh...
"I'm friggin starvin" he interrupts patting his crucifix, "I'm gonna grab me a quick bite over here, ya mind?"
He heads to Burger King and I go sit down pissed off that I actually spent time figuring out what to wear.
He returns shortly with his royal bag of goodies and I ask him what toy he got. Went right over his head. "Huh?" he grunted with chunks of burger sloshing around in his half open mouth. After a few minutes of the most pointless excruciating conversation I've ever had in my life, I rear my honest head and say "You know what, you seem like a really nice person (OK yes sometimes I lie), but I don't feel any connection between us so I'm going to get going. It was very nice to meet you." I put my hand out to shake and say good bye. He leaves my hand hanging in mid air.
"Nah...you are just blockin what we got here. I think you are really scared and you are totally just blockin me off", he says with his hands making wild gestures of blockage in front of his blasphemous jewelry. How many times was I going to have to reject this poor child before he got the message?! I was adamant about our lack of connection and finally got up to walk away. He just sat there shaking his head like I just missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
I've never used the "save me" text/phone call. I'm pretty quick at sizing up the situation and saying my piece. It always stuns me that some men actually argue with me. If someone told me right off the bat that they were not feelin it, I would absolutely agree whether I agreed with him or not. (Yes sometimes lying is the right thing to do, stop picking apart everything I say) Why would you argue? I just rejected you, don't make me do it again... with more detail.
Maybe I should stop being honest and try "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, I have to go...my friend Lisa just called and her dog is throwing up, like 4 times already and her husband is at work and he's not answering his phone and she gets soooo mad cuz he NEVER answers his phone and her car won't start and the dog is actually pregnant so throwing up when you're pregnant is really bad if you're a dog so I have to go to her house and let her take my car to bring the dog to the vet and I have to stay at her house and watch her son because he's on crutches because he fell out of a tree last week and broke both his legs and it's really a pain for him to get in and out of the car with the crutches and everything soooo....it was so nice to meet you bye!" He'll have all the details he'll ever need and I'll be free as a bird.
I think to myself.... go to plan B... Just sit for a minute and get the hell out.
"Hey you want to get dinner?" BK Boy says, "I ain't eaten all day" Coffee! I scream in my head...we agreed to meet for coffee!
"Oh no, I really can't" I stammer, "I uh...
"I'm friggin starvin" he interrupts patting his crucifix, "I'm gonna grab me a quick bite over here, ya mind?"
He heads to Burger King and I go sit down pissed off that I actually spent time figuring out what to wear.
He returns shortly with his royal bag of goodies and I ask him what toy he got. Went right over his head. "Huh?" he grunted with chunks of burger sloshing around in his half open mouth. After a few minutes of the most pointless excruciating conversation I've ever had in my life, I rear my honest head and say "You know what, you seem like a really nice person (OK yes sometimes I lie), but I don't feel any connection between us so I'm going to get going. It was very nice to meet you." I put my hand out to shake and say good bye. He leaves my hand hanging in mid air.
"Nah...you are just blockin what we got here. I think you are really scared and you are totally just blockin me off", he says with his hands making wild gestures of blockage in front of his blasphemous jewelry. How many times was I going to have to reject this poor child before he got the message?! I was adamant about our lack of connection and finally got up to walk away. He just sat there shaking his head like I just missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
I've never used the "save me" text/phone call. I'm pretty quick at sizing up the situation and saying my piece. It always stuns me that some men actually argue with me. If someone told me right off the bat that they were not feelin it, I would absolutely agree whether I agreed with him or not. (Yes sometimes lying is the right thing to do, stop picking apart everything I say) Why would you argue? I just rejected you, don't make me do it again... with more detail.
Maybe I should stop being honest and try "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, I have to go...my friend Lisa just called and her dog is throwing up, like 4 times already and her husband is at work and he's not answering his phone and she gets soooo mad cuz he NEVER answers his phone and her car won't start and the dog is actually pregnant so throwing up when you're pregnant is really bad if you're a dog so I have to go to her house and let her take my car to bring the dog to the vet and I have to stay at her house and watch her son because he's on crutches because he fell out of a tree last week and broke both his legs and it's really a pain for him to get in and out of the car with the crutches and everything soooo....it was so nice to meet you bye!" He'll have all the details he'll ever need and I'll be free as a bird.
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